What the Bleep Do We Know

I've just finished watching a movie, an incredible movie, What the Bleep Do We Know. These last few days I have felt a wave of anguish and nausea as what I have come to fear are repressed memories have begun to surface with more impact. This film has provided a way of getting beyond this, once I put into place what really happened in my child hood, the next step will be defining my actions for my future. My future starts tomorrow: I will effect my own life intentionally. There is one scene in where there is a Chinese man who experiments with our perceptions of reality through water - thanks is one type of snow flake, love another beautiful snow flake with distinctly contrasting form, and self hatred is oil. A man who is standing next to the main character asks her "If our own thoughts can do this to water, imagine what we do to ourselves?" The fact that our bodies are 70 - 80% water need not be ignored. Before I watched the movie, I was shopping online at Banana Republic and J.Crew. What does it matter, I think now. I will always be able to buy clothes or things, but my mind is the one that needs the nourishment, my curiosity and beauty and happiness should be the focus, and not what media, society, my parents, family, friends, significant others interpret it to be. We are all conected, after all. Our humanity - our ability to love and feel and live and our compasion for another human being makes us beautiful. Not good, or bad, but alive.

It's funny, thinking about this past year or two at college. I thought I went to college to become smart and knowledgeable and literary and accomplished. But, the more I learn, the less I realize I know. I am more conscious and aware, but so very innocent and hungry for it all.