Tired

I am snuggled up on the couch in Socorro, after another summer day. It has been ok. I am satisfied, not exuberant or anything like that. But, I'm all right. This summer I've realized that I have a lot of different things that are really important to me than my best friend, here. I still love her and want to be there for her, but we have a lot of differences too. I really enjoy sitting around a campfire with good friends and a guitar and some strong red wine. She really likes going to Victoria Secret and to dinner and to the movies and shopping.

I've been watching some documentaries on tv recently, a lot on the subject of sex. There is a couple in Calcutta that is running a textile program that employs ex-sex workers to learn a trade and provides literacy classes as well as sets up a savings fund for each woman, while paying her the best wage possible. Another documentary was on the sexuality of disabled people, a sex surrogate can be acquired to help a disabled person explore his or her sexuality. I think I am depressed by the fact that a human being would have to pay for affection, for intimacy. To cover the physical loneliness with money. But, I am not in their shoes either, and I hope I won't ever be. I think it is sad, not to be wanted - I know that feeling. The need to be needed, that craving for physical touch is in every human being and an absolute necessity. Then I think about the research paper I wrote about the "Legal Rights of American Prostitutes," and my judgement becomes gray. After all, we are all just people, human beings.

I've been fighting this appeal for my sanity, to two universities and I am really hoping that this may be the last hoop I have to jump through. I will find out on July 7.