Are You Somebody

I am reading Nuala O'Faulain's Are You Somebody for my Women As Writers class. This passage really jumped out and slapped me in the face: "It never occured to me that I needed to interrogate myself. That I'd spent my whole adult life on the errand that smoothed the way to being a woman in the home - a search for a man, for love, for the one man to love and be loved by and have babies with - without wanting to be a woman in the home." Wow. So the whole dating thing is really some bizarre mating dance, to lead to marriage and kids.

I've recently come to the realization that no man will make me happy, I can't search for happiness in another person. It is something that is within me and that I have always had, something I bring to the situation and that comes to the surface in the right situations. So why pursue or chase blindly this imposition by society that people my age have to be dating? Dating actually sucks a lot. I think I could use a few more good friends first. And why do I feel like I am absolutely going against normality when I am honest with myself and admit, dating sucks and I just want to have fun and make an impact on the world when I'm done living. I want to live completely, and my first relationship was full of love, comradery, trust, friendship and lots of laughing and that is what I want again. But just hasn't come up yet. So here's what I plan to do about it: live my life and be open to experience and hope I'll recognize situations for what they are when they present themselves, and dance. And hell, maybe someday somebody will see this somebody and then we'll have something.

Honestly, looking desperately has resulted in clashes with two loose athletes who already have girl friends, a great guy that I couldn't feel because I was absolutely numb, and a 35 year old believer in big foot.