What the Bleep Do We Know

I've just finished watching a movie, an incredible movie, What the Bleep Do We Know. These last few days I have felt a wave of anguish and nausea as what I have come to fear are repressed memories have begun to surface with more impact. This film has provided a way of getting beyond this, once I put into place what really happened in my child hood, the next step will be defining my actions for my future. My future starts tomorrow: I will effect my own life intentionally. There is one scene in where there is a Chinese man who experiments with our perceptions of reality through water - thanks is one type of snow flake, love another beautiful snow flake with distinctly contrasting form, and self hatred is oil. A man who is standing next to the main character asks her "If our own thoughts can do this to water, imagine what we do to ourselves?" The fact that our bodies are 70 - 80% water need not be ignored. Before I watched the movie, I was shopping online at Banana Republic and J.Crew. What does it matter, I think now. I will always be able to buy clothes or things, but my mind is the one that needs the nourishment, my curiosity and beauty and happiness should be the focus, and not what media, society, my parents, family, friends, significant others interpret it to be. We are all conected, after all. Our humanity - our ability to love and feel and live and our compasion for another human being makes us beautiful. Not good, or bad, but alive.

It's funny, thinking about this past year or two at college. I thought I went to college to become smart and knowledgeable and literary and accomplished. But, the more I learn, the less I realize I know. I am more conscious and aware, but so very innocent and hungry for it all.

House Sitting

So I am house sitting for a friend whose two cats are absolutely adorable and lovable. Coyote and Moonface, man. I miss cats. Just finished watching an awesome movie "Neverland," with Jonnie Depp and that actress from The Titanic - ? Man, what an awakening. How innocent we were as children, the invincibility and the imagination of children - lol. I used to believe I could fly, all I had to do was jump just high enough. When the back of our old couch didn't work, I tried jumping off the swing on our old maple tree, then off the roof of my tree house - the amazing thing is that I didn't break any bones and could still walk. But, then we could take a tangent and think of flying in Tom Petty's terms, which I learned as a teenager - how to get that feeling of flying from letting myself be myself, and spontaneous. And now, holding onto that magically young fascination of freedom and absolute imagination and mushing it together with spontaneity and a new found innocense and letting go is flying.

This past weekend I went up to Flagstaff, AZ to check out the school and was taken by surprise. It is so beautiful up there! Checked out Slide Rock - a natural water slide between Flagstaff and Sedona, it was so incredible! You could jump off the side ten feet above the water and then ride down the slide! The mountains and water and green, all the natural beauty is what I am so frequently reminded to be grateful for. Like this lyric in a Harry Manx song - the flower blooms outside the window even if nobody is there to see it. It just is.

My housemate this summer is one of those flowers. What an incredible woman, Prashant. She has so much spunk and natural lustre about her, a beauty of a being. She has this way of living that is so honest and frank and spontaneous, and rich with love. I am so grateful for her. She is the one who would tell you in the same breath that you have brocoli in your teeth, that the sky is quite blue today and that there is an incredible energy about the women today. Strawberry, what a great flavor.